The minutiae on our miniatures

Monthly Archives: August 2014

Well we’re over halfway through the summer and I have yet to do a blog post.  It might have something to do with our newest addition, Brecken Hilarius Windschitl.  Brecken was born June 4th on our second to last day of school, which is a story in and of itself.  Sara did a better job of sharing that one.  He weighed in at a whopping 6lbs 15oz, almost 6 times the size of Bryn when she was born! We feel so incredibly blessed to have a healthy baby. He was full term, so we avoided a repeat of our first go around. Sara was absolutely amazing. I have never seen anything so incredible in my life.  Just when I thought they were about to get the Dyson to suck him out (after 20 hours of labor, pushing for 3 hours, and having not eaten anything in a day), Sara somehow found the strength to shoot him out and I caught him.  Seriously, I delivered him.  It was amazing and umm… he was a slippery little guy and I was glad I didn’t drop him.

We are now settling in and finding a routine in the somewhat controlled chaos.  I find myself writing a lot of lists to remember things that once seemed natural.  Things like reminders for trash pickup, medicine for the girls in the morning, picking things up from the store, etc. There is something about having a newborn that turns your brain to shit.  I absolutely wouldn’t change a thing about it, but let’s just say that lists are a part of our everyday life for awhile.  In fact, over the last few months, I have been writing down lists of things to write about in a future blog post.  Here is one list I have been working on.

A list of things I never thought I would do.

  1. Eat lunch while changing a dirty diaper.
  2. Go number two with two living beings on my lap.
  3. Openly admit to number 2. *
  4. Fix lunch with less than 5 fingers
  5. Have a ten minute discussion with Sara about whether or not we should cut up black beans.
  6. Eat cheerios (with our without milk).
  7. Eat stale cheerios or any other form of old food that the girls have discarded, because I was too lazy to get up and throw it in the trash. I busted Sara doing this yesterday with Cheerios she found in the crack of the couch so I’m not the only gross one.
  8. Stand in any spot in our house (bathroom included) and find at least one cheerio within eyesight.
  9. Say, “We have an emergency, we are all out of Cheerios!” **
  10. Lock a human being in the shower. ***
  11. Let another human being watch me pee as they eat cheerios from the doorway.
  12. Pee and move at the same time to block the forward advancement of two toddlers from touching my urine. We already know how they got in.
  13. Eat food from another human’s mouth.
  14. Ask someone why their hands smell like butt paste.
  15. Ice numerous parts of my body due to the head butts, and misguided elbows and knees given by my daughters.
  16. Wipe another human’s nose with my shirt.
  17. Meet a friend for a beer and then have to explain why my shirt has a hard white substance on it. (See number 15 for an explanation of this white substance)
  18. Pretend that I am asleep.****
  19. Telling the girls that there is a puppy or squirrel outside, just to get them out of their level 5 tantrum, even though there is neither a puppy nor squirrel in sight. This actually works for me.  Sara thinks it’s mean.  I think it’s a sanity saver.
  20. Be taunted from the bathroom. *****
  21. Say, “No, I will not eat those glasses.  I don’t want to eat those glasses!”
  22. Say, “We’ve got a pooper in the tub!”
  23. Refer to their medicine as num num and that they would love it as such. ******
  24. Blame a fart on one of the kids. *******
  25. Yes, you may wear 2 different shoes.

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    Sometimes it’s just a 2-different-shoes kind of day

  26. Have to convince my children that going on a bike ride would be fun only to be met with cries of torture. See video.

Although some of these stories seem awful at the time, we always find ourselves laughing about them later.  I’m so happy to be a dad and these stories reiterate that you can never fully be prepared for parenthood.  Although, if you start creating your list of worst case scenarios today, you may not be totally shocked. =)

Much love,

Nick

 

*   I cannot even use the bathroom by myself anymore.  I shut the door to the bathroom and as I was in there, both girls decided to throw a level five tantrum.  If you’re not familiar with the scale just think of it like a nuclear meltdown or airport security scale.  Level five is the worst.  Anyway, while everyone was experiencing meltdown, the girls teamed up and used their combined strength to push open the door (which during a level 5 tantrum, it’s pretty much like a grown man or woman’s strength).  Unfortunately they were not done and climbed up onto my lap.  I pleaded with them to leave.  I pulled out a bunch of my tricks like, “Do you want me to change your diaper?” which usually has them running in the other direction but that didn’t work and neither did “Naptime?”  Nope, they just hunkered down on my lap.  I remember sitting there thinking, “Did you ever in your wildest dreams ever imagine that something like this would happen in parenthood?”  The answer was no. I imagined shooting poo and pee, insane tantrums, but nothing that involved me on the toilet with two screaming toddlers on my lap.  Folks, once you’ve had this experience it pretty much opens up a whole new list of possible worst case scenarios.  If you’re a new parent there is a way to prepare for this.  First write a list of possible nightmares and then somehow also include a few of the following to make it a worst case scenario: poop, pee, a tantrum or two (on the level 5 scale), large groups of people or a church service.  At this point you should have a solid list of scenarios.  Now simply figure out a game plan for each of those scenarios.  I’m not saying that each of these will happen, but at least one of them should.  Here is one scenario that I am prepared for.

I am on stage singing for Dierks Bently (I won a contest and will be singing in his place) and my girls come running out onto the stage and drop trou, poop on my new boots and begin rolling around in it.  Do you see how that scenario involved lots of people, a tantrum and poop?  Feel free to use that as motivation.  Now get to work. I’m not going to tell you how I get myself out of that scenario, but let’s just say that it involves a whistle, whip, yo-yo and a elderly woman riding on her bike giving me the finger.  (Thank you Chris Farley for your help with that.)

**  Cheerios are absolutely disgusting and I don’t get why anyone would willingly eat them.  Honey nut Cheerios, yes, but straight up Cheerios?  No way.  I haven’t yet decided if there is something wrong with the girls or just their taste buds.  I will get back to you on this.

***  Both girls had diarrhea dripping out of their diaper and when that happens you are faced with only one decision and that is locking one in the shower while you do clean up on child number 2.

**** Occasionally when the girls won’t nap, I go in and grab them, sit in our rocker and lay them on my chest.  When they fall asleep in my arms, it’s as close to heaven as I can imagine.  When they wake up in 30 minutes, I just know Sara is outside the door saying, “I told him he shouldn’t go in there.” I immediately do the fake sleep thing that includes snoring, grunts and fake restless movements.  Parents, let me just tell you that it doesn’t work.  This only excites them and wakes them up more.  They enjoy the free opportunity to stick their fingers all the way up your nose.  Nora already did this to me twice this summer.  I’m just going to flat out tell you that it hurts like a son of a bitch.  Yeah their fingers may be “small” but they don’t feel that small when they are all the way up your nose.  If this does happen to you do not yell or swear as this will immediately throw them into a level five tantrum and then you’re in deep shit with your wife.  Okay, so fingers up the nose is just one of the things they will find entertaining while you fake sleep.  They also enjoy fingers in your ears and mouth.  When both of them are tag teaming you is particularly fun, but I don’t give up on my fake sleeping, I just get more restless.  Honestly at this point you should give up, but if you’re like me and feel particularly competitive during nap time be prepared for the following things.  1. Bellybutton exploration 2. Hair pulling 3. Titty twisters 4. Jumping on your crotch.  5.  Laughing in your mouth (yes mouth, I’m not sure why they do this.  It’s strange but quite effective). 6. Finally, peek-a-boo because they absolutely know that you are awake.

***** Now that the girls can push open the door, their newest form of entertainment is taunting me from the hallway.  They have no problem plugging their noses and saying, “Stinky.”  Even forty minutes later after playtime outside, they will return and point at me and the bathroom and say “stinky.” This is becoming borderline harassment.

****** This is more evidence that there is something wrong with their taste buds.

******* It’s just way too easy, unless they start pointing and taunting me and say, “Daddy poop.”  When this happened I pretty much blew my cover when I said, “Girls, that wasn’t a poop, it was a fart.  There is a huge difference between the two.”

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What day is it? Where are we? Who are all these kids in our house? We are slowly emerging from the fog (that’s a lie, we are still very much in a fog), and since we last left you, the Twinschitls are 4 months older and a Little Schitl has joined the madness! Check out our new blog banner, courtesy of Auntie Katie!

Out of fairness to the ladies, since this WAS their blog to begin with, we won’t let Little Schitl steal their thunder until later on in this post. So what have N & B been up to? We’re going to be super efficient and give you the last 4 months in pictures. =)

We have continued to bring the girls out into the GDP (great dirty public) on the regular. It’s been pretty liberating for mom and dad, and has given the girls a chance to show us their creative genius on occasion.

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Yes, she built this herself.

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Daddy’s school carnival

We’ve learned that along with age comes responsibility.

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It’s hard juggling 2, isn’t it Bryn?

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When mom’s super preggo, gotta help out a little more.

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Mom can barely put her own socks on–she definitely can’t get yours on.

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Nora walking the aisles very responsibly…since mom’s not exactly going to chase her down.

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Bryn helping (?) mom shop

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And yes…we have trained the girls to work the diaper pail! Score! They’ve only had to learn the hard way a FEW times that toys that get thrown in the poop pail don’t get to come out.

We’ve tried to give them more responsibility in the kitchen, but all we get is microwaved silverware, sauteed ice cream, and baked grapes.

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The girls got their first hard-soled shoes (yeah, we waited a long time on that one).

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Here’s why:

The girls’ personalities continue to blossom. Even though we’re a few days from their 2nd birthdays, they decided months ago they were going to start “practicing” being two.

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We kind of treat tantrums like seizures around here. Just move dangerous objects out of the way, loosen any tight clothing, and make sure they don’t swallow their tongues.

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With reminders to “use their words” we can usually get the screamfests turned down a notch.

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Nora: “MORE” Bryn: “PLEASE”

Here’s a little Nora, tellin’ it like it is:

Telling a bedtime story:

And both girls getting a workout in:

We’re really hoping to someday have a little Hans and Franz on our hands.

You may or may not remember that just under 2 years ago, Nora and Bryn were getting weekly eye exams in the NICU because they both had ROP (retinopathy of prematurity). Luckily, both left the hospital with their eye issues resolved, but with orders to follow up in a year. So back we went, and both checked out great!

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Good thing she already knows the alphabet, huh?

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Getting eyes dilated=super cool shades

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Before school was out (and before mom popped), the girls visited mom at work! Her students took their job of showing Nora and Bryn the first grade ropes very seriously.

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It was shortly after this that BW3 decided he couldn’t wait for school to be out to make his arrival. At 37 weeks, B-dubs got sick of mama’s uterus (the feeling was mutual) and 3 days before school was out, he started his funny business. I had some pretty labor-ish-feeling contractions that morning, but thought maybe I could get a little more work done (ha!) if I went to school maybe for just a half day. Nick thought this was a bad idea, but I decided to try my luck and we both headed to work. My coworkers were also appalled at my decision, and pretty much threw me out of the building and told me to go have a friggin’ baby. An hour later we were both driving to the hospital, ready to find out of BW3 had a penis or a vagina! That was the morning of June 3rd. Little B-dubs didn’t finally agree to the uterus eviction until June 4th though (and I may remind him of this on June 3rd every year for the rest of his life). Oops–spoiler alert! “His!” Yep, BW3 did indeed have a penis. =)

Nick would not let this blog post go to press without making sure I told everyone that he caught the baby.  He says “delivered.” I say “caught.” Lest we paint an unclear picture of exactly what went down in that 24 hours.

But seriously, Nick was a stellar labor coach and an excellent wide receiver. Thanks to him, Brecken Hilarius Windschitl did not hit the floor during his big entrance. Nick also wants everyone who has not caught a baby to know that babies are really slippery, and not just anyone can catch a baby. It takes skill.

We’ll let the pictures do the talking from here.

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Happy hour while I’m in labor (Doc’s orders: “Go walk around for a couple hours.”)

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Your baby is here!

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It was super weird to have a baby and then take it right home from the hospital 2 days later. Kind of felt like we were stealing a baby.

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Honeymoon’s over. =)

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Nora & Bryn have been very helpful at home.

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Yep, this still works.

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Bryn getting ready to smother Brecken with a pillow

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Mom, there’s only 1 baby in there. Don’t worry. I fixed it.

And oh yeah–we had to buy a minivan. It was a sad, sad day.

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Holy shit. We have 3 kids and a minivan.

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The rest of the summer has been flying by and Nick and I can’t believe how lucky we are to both be home all summer with our family of 5 (OMG…family of 5).

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Aunt Jennifer and Cousin Molly with Mr. B

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Nice strategic placement of the water toys, ladies. Mama’s still upholding her promise to never show your vaginas on the internet!

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Minus a few minor hiccups, we couldn’t have asked for a better summer.

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Dear Target, we are very sorry we are rubbing pink eye all over your cart.

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Raise your hand if you’ve got pneumonia.

Thanks to everyone who has brought us meals, gifts, visits…we can’t believe your awesomeness continues after multiple babies. Almost makes us want to have another one! (Almost).

Cheers,

Sara